Speaking about sb you love, by Alba (NI2)- Students' Oral Performances with Teacher's feedback - Speaking

Speak about someone you love, by Alba (Intermedio 2, November 2012)

Listen! at the Talking People Podcast

Read the transcript with my feedback as you listen - You can also print it here (2 pages)

Alba tells us about someone she loves: one of her younger brothers (2 minutes)

For a formal situation, such as giving a talk (charla, the monologue) in your Speaking Test, it's better to use the verb "to speak" instead of "to talk".

I'm going to SPEAK about someone I love.

Well, I've got two important people in my life that I love VERY much [instead of "so much!", because "so much" is for exclamations] -- my two younger brothers [excellent, comparative] and I'm going to talk about one of them [excellent! a partitive structure]

About "introduce": let me clarify something. You cannot say "I'm going to introduce one of them" (to us) because he is not present. When someone is present we say: "Let me introduce my brother to you" or more formally, "Allow me to introduce my brother to you. This is my brother, Rodrigo, and this is Michelle, my teacher. Them: Nice to meet you (too)"

My brother's name is Rodrigo [excellent! A Saxon Genitive in a structure that seems to be hard for Spanish speakers]. He is a 13-year-old boy [excellent: a complex modifier without the "s" in "-year-". Well done!]. He lives in Leganés, like me, and [well done, correct use of the present simple in the 3rd person singular, and correct use of "like"] he studies at Whatever Name school [the pronunciation of "school" sounded a bit too choni, right? :D :P ehj-kul. Excellent introduction for a presentation of the person].

To start with his physical appearance [this is a "signal word" expression identifying the topic for the next point, excellent!], he is as thin as a rake [awesome! A comparative fixed expression!] but he is fit [well done, a "but" sentence, contrast]. ["Moreover" doesn't sound right here. It's kind of pedantic] He's got brown eyes… He used to [well done! A modal!] have blond hair but now he has got dark hair [dark? or chesnut brown?].

As far as [the stress is wrong. You say "ás forás" and it sounds like "as for us". Practice/Practise as fáar ásis / áshis] his personality is concerned… check-y ??

As far as his personality is concerned [Wonderful! Another language chunk signaling a new point], he is AN EXTROVERT PERSON / EXTROVERT, brave AND HE IS ALSO [here "I want to point out" sounds a bit too formal? You can use it, yes – this time it is just a suggestion, not a correction. In any case, it's always better to say "I'd like to point out"] a hard-working person [well done! You didn't forget the "a" and you used an "-ing" adjective].

Talking About his hobbies [another signal for another change of topic, well done!],  he's into listening to music, surfing on the Net  [good: to be into + -ing and not forgetting the following verb is also an –ing form because it also depends on "he's into"]… common things that a teenager could can do [Tip: don't pronounce the "l" in "could" or "would". More, an improved version: he's into the kind of things teenagers like/enjoy. Incidentally, listening to music and surfing the Net are things adults do too… I wonder, perhaps you could look for more examples, e.g. texting/sending text messages, IM-ing/using IM, whatssaping/using whatsapp]. His favo(u)rite hobby is football. [Here you could add, "Actually,"] Actually, he plays in aN important football team. And I think that if she… [here you could add: "I mean,"] he [self-correction, well done!] tries to do HIS best… [woops! Don't change his sex!], he will be able to [awesome! Ability in the future of prediction!] beCOME to a famous footballer.

If I have to talk about things we HAVE in common [or "do together" or do you mean "likes we share"?] I WOULD LIKE to MENTION one of them [well done! A partitive] – we love animals [excellent! No misuse of "the"] [Now you could use "actually"]. ACTUALLY, we have got four pets!

In (THE) summer, the whole family usually go ["family go" British, "family goes", US American] to the RIVER /river/ [here you should mention what for, e.g. We usually go for a picnic there, and also for a swim] and in (THE) winter we usually go to the snow, because WE love skiing.

To sum up [do you think that's the best option? It's risky here. It could be OK, yes, it's a kind of summary, but summaries are for other kinds of topics/themes, don't you think? I think the best Signal Phrase would be "Finally, in my view"], Rodrigo and I have a good relationship [good!] and I can rely on him… So… IN A NUTSHELL, I love my brother VERY much!

Excellent, Alba. Good work! Thanks for sharing!